What Do You Do When You When Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable?
Being in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner has to be one of the hardest things in life. It requires patience, tolerance, trust, perseverance and the grace of God to go on in the relationship without feeling like you are the obsessed partner who is not being reciprocated.
At some point you might be the one holding the strings of the relationship because for the most part you are trying not to let go but believe it, it is hard. I recently came to this realization and if you have found yourself upset for no reason, overthinking but not sure who to share your thoughts with because you do not think anyone will understand and at some point literally talking yourself into giving you partner more time because you are trying to be more understanding of their situation, then yes you are on the receiving end of an unemotionally available partner.
If you have come to this realization, the first instinct is to jump ship because it requires a lot of work and involves some pretty harsh uncertainties and to be honest, it is probably the best thing to do but I like to try. I like to make an effort, I like to know that I gave it all my best and even if I lose at the end, it is not because I did not know what I was getting into, but the other party was not willing to salvage the situation half as much as I had tried and if you are anything like me, then this post is for you.
The question remains,what do you do when you are with an emotionally unavailable partner?
- Be thoughtful: It will seem like a lot of effort but if you have eyes on the price then you will be motivated. There are certain things you might do that will trigger a reaction, try not to react instantly. Be expressive every now and then but keep it constructive. Do not go over board when you are trying to please, it might come off as trying too hard. Try to also do the things they enjoyed doing in the past; movies, dinner, art gallery visits, find out and engage them.
- Be more sympathetic but do not lose yourself: Emotionally unavailable people are very closed up, when they share it is probably unconscious and you need to plan your reaction carefully just so you do not make them recoil back. Be your usual self but be more sensitive to their situation. If you do not know what to say, just reassure them that they need time and it will go away gradually. Also remind them you are there for them whenever they need you.
- Give yourself a timeline: It is easy to get sucked into catering to people. If after a while of putting in effort and it does not seem like you are making progress, you need to let go. It is a disservice to yourself to keep pushing when you know the other party is not working with you.
- Always keep in mind that you are doing something for someone: When you are with an emotionally unavailable person, it changes you. You literally have to live your life almost on their terms. You realize you are more patient, more understanding, less quick to anger and it is easier to forgive. It all is for the better. If they are half as worth it as you think, they will catch on to you, and eventually it will pan out.
Loving someone is no easy feat, but if you genuinely care for them, then you will be willing to do almost anything to make them happy.