What Do You Do When You When Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable?

What Do You Do When You When Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable?


Being in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner has to be one of the hardest things in life. It requires patience, tolerance, trust, perseverance and the grace of God to go on in the relationship without feeling like you are the obsessed partner who is not being reciprocated.

At some point you might be the one holding the strings of the relationship because for the most part you are trying not to let go but believe it, it is hard. I recently came to this realization and if you have found yourself upset for no reason, overthinking but not sure who to share your thoughts with because you do not think anyone will understand and at some point literally talking yourself into giving you partner more time because you are trying to be more understanding of their situation, then yes you are on the receiving end of an unemotionally available partner.

If you have come to this realization, the first instinct is to jump ship because it requires a lot of work and involves some pretty harsh uncertainties and to be honest, it is probably the best thing to do but I like to try. I like to make an effort, I like to know that I gave it all my best and even if I lose at the end, it is not because I did not know what I was getting into, but the other party was not willing to salvage the situation half as much as I had tried and if you are anything like me, then this post is for you.

The question remains,what do you do when you are with an emotionally unavailable partner?

  1. Be thoughtful: It will seem like a lot of effort but if you have eyes on the price then you will be motivated. There are certain things you might do that will trigger a reaction, try not to react instantly. Be expressive every now and then but keep it constructive. Do not go over board when you are trying to please, it might come off as trying too hard. Try to also do the things they enjoyed doing in the past; movies, dinner, art gallery visits, find out and engage them.
  2. Be more sympathetic but do not lose yourself: Emotionally unavailable people are very closed up, when they share it is probably unconscious and you need to plan your reaction carefully just so you do not make them recoil back. Be your usual self but be more sensitive to their situation. If you do not know what to say, just reassure them that they need time and it will go away gradually. Also remind them you are there for them whenever they need you.
  3. Give yourself a timeline: It is easy to get sucked into catering to people. If after a while of putting in effort and it does not seem like you are making progress, you need to let go. It is a disservice to yourself to keep pushing when you know the other party is not working with you.
  4. Always keep in mind that you are doing something for someone: When you are with an emotionally unavailable person, it changes you. You literally have to live your life almost on their terms. You realize you are more patient, more understanding, less quick to anger and it is easier to forgive. It all is for the better. If they are half as worth it as you think, they will catch on to you, and eventually it will pan out.

Loving someone is no easy feat, but if you genuinely care for them, then you will be willing to do almost anything to make them happy.

About Author: Vanessa

Vanessa enjoys being at social gatherings, she is a member of a wine club and she prides herself in being a bluestocking

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6 comments on “What Do You Do When You When Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable?”

  1. tee

    this looks more like punishment

  2. Uju Lilian Ikegbune

    Wow! Very reliving to read. Thanks for sharing.

  3. Tiana

    Your last statement though, “Loving someone is no easy feat, but if you genuinely care for them, then you will be willing to do almost anything to make them happy.” This is my present situation, I’m trying so hard to please someone who is emotionally unavailable and its eating me up. Theres nothing ve not done to make him happy, I love him, he says he has better things to think of asides the relationship and the last time I asked if he wants us to part ways and he goes “I don’t know” We are still together but its like we are trying so hard, don’t know what to do. Wish I ddnt love him this much, wld have been easier for me to walk away.

    • Genevieve Magazine

      Hi Tiana, Trust me you do not want to do that to yourself. Remember the part where I said ‘Time yourself’? You cannot dedicate yourself to someone who is not willing to try. The only reason you should be there in the first place is if he wants things to work out too but if he is intentionally stringing you along when he knows he will never commit then No, you need to jump ship. Remember you deserve better.

      • Tiana

        Thanks, like i mentioned earlier, really wish I ddnt love him this much. I will get over him though; very soon at that. Thanks

  4. dhammie

    Honestly its the same ship I find myself. Not only being emotionally balanced but also give himself to work and others, no matter how busy I am I still find time to communicate but he just believes am fine, whenever I decide to give myself a break and also not. Call or text him he quickly gets in touch with me to tell me how much he cherish and adore me and he would change that it’s only a matter of time. Honestly the grace of God and power of praise made me not have psychological issues last year because of it.

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