Relationship Talk: Five Deal breaker Conversations to Have Before You Commit
The dating period can be absolutely blissful. It’s a time where you enjoy the loving presence of your significant other, usually with a view towards a long future together. As blissful as the dating period is, it is sometimes a time where you see your significant other through rose-colored glasses, ignoring several signs and issues that might hint at a lack of compatibility for a long term relationship. These signs, when addressed, can lead to uncomfortable conversations and possibly realizing that it might not work out after all. As a result, some couples avoid these conversations altogether, allowing it become the elephant in the room. These dealbreakers, however, should be discussed as soon as things get serious to avoid disappointment and wasting of anyone’s time. The conversations to be had could be any number of topics, but some of the most common and important are below:
1. Children: Many people date with the expectation that starting a family will come up at some point in the future, but what you might not consider is that your partner might not want any children at all, or if they do, their preferences might differ from yours. They might want a large family, while you want only one child, and so on. This should be discussed at length, as childbearing (or lack thereof) is not the easiest issue to compromise on.
2. Faith: Faith is a crucial topic for many people and one that is rarely compromised on. While dating someone of a different faith might not be too challenging, the subject of the part that the said faith (or lack of it) might play in the household many years down the line can be tricky, especially when it comes to what faith your children might be raised on.
3. Money: Money isn’t a romantic topic, but it is an important one. Student loan debt, inheritances, and income should be made known to each partner so that they know exactly what they are getting into financially. Will a prenuptial agreement be necessary? Will joint or separate accounts be used? This conversation will likely be long and boring, but it is necessary nonetheless.
4. Career: There are few things more devastating than a significant other’s career goals not aligning with your own. If they intend on working in a different city or country, or their career goals otherwise conflict with yours, it can be a tough obstacle to overcome. As a necessity, the topic of career goals should be tackled as early as possible.
5. Beliefs: Differences in fundamental principles and beliefs can make it impossible to have a long-term relationship with a person. Are you a bleeding-heart liberal and your significant other a conservative? Does one of you not believe in marriage? Do you severely disagree with parenting philosophy? These things might not look too important in the beginning, but as time goes on, they can become a major source of conflict between you. To avoid this, an honest, open conversation should take place to decide whether these are issues you can work around or if they are dealbreakers.