Most Times I Wish And Pray Never To Wake Up- Diary Of A Depressed Woman

Most Times I Wish And Pray Never To Wake Up- Diary Of A Depressed Woman

Just a few days ago was depression day, and one of our readers sent us on message on Instagram willing to shared her depression story, it has been hard reading her true life story but we all go through this one way or the other.

Read through and advice her on how best to handle things.

I am a 32 years old mother of 2. Educated,friendly,confident, just to mention a few…but presently my confidence and friendly nature are all things of the past.

My life has been in a mess and most times I wish and pray never to wake up. Yes! I wish I will sleep and never wake up. Obviously I have nothing good to offer my kids, mum,siblings just name it. I am a hard working, dedicated and result oriented person. So I keep wondering how I got to this point. Funny enough people around me are yet to know that I am gradually planning my exit. I don’t even know where to start from…I have fallen out of love with hubby because of his attitude towards me.
I don’t feel loved and wanted any more. Hubby won’t allow me work even with my qualifications. I went into business with 70k. I was able to build the business to a capital base of about 500k! At least then I could comfortably send feeding allowance home to mum and siblings… Pay for my kid brothers’s fees…I could contribute my quota to my home, had little savings,and I was very happy at that time because to me life was good. Mum was happy. In fact I was happy!
I could do lots of this without looking up to hubby. My mobile business kept my mind busy. Then somewhere along the line my business started to decline, debts were owed me. Exchange rate started to skyrocket, I had to buy goods on credit pending when some people would pay me back. Then it happened! I was defrauded! I took loan to pump into my business…but I fell into wrong hands and I lost all. I mean all! With interest from the loan accumulating and no visible of paying back, I knew I was doomed
doomed…I pleaded with kid bro to drop out of school( at least for now) till I sort out myself from the whole mess. Mum took ill and was admitted to the hospital and there was no money to pay for her treatment… Gosh!!!! It was terrible to know that my mum was lying in the hospital without treatment. Someone I raised some cash and sent to them. She was attended to but when she was discharged she wasn’t allowed to leave to she paid off the pending bills. For days I wept knowing where my mum was
I was helpless. I prayed. Fasted. Prayed still nothing happened. Some how I was able to borrow some money and she was discharged. Along the line I suffered a still birth! Nothing seemed to be working for me. Nothing! People I owed where after me. I told hubby and guess what? He called me names. At night I can’t sleep. My heart is always pounding. Funny thing is friends will come to me with their own wahala and I will help them solve it…but here I am. Nobody seem to understand me…
Presently I have reached my wit end and all I am seeking is an easy way out. I know lots of people are going through worse. I know I am depressed. I know I need help to get out of this state. All I will say is let us learn to be nice to people we come across because our actions might just help someone hold on a bit…typing this was a bit difficult for me. Letting out this I guess might help me hold on a bit…I feel worthless, I feel like I am a liability to hubby.
If I can’t take care of my mother who laboured to see me through school, what is the point? I am tired of calling home and hearing ‘ we never know where today food go come from’. Here I am living comfortably in Hubby’s house. This is not the life I planned for myself. When nothing I do never seems to work out, what is the point?
What do you suggest I do?

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One comment on “Most Times I Wish And Pray Never To Wake Up- Diary Of A Depressed Woman”

  1. Vincent

    Beloved, do not kill yourself or wish evil for yourself because of what you are passing through. If you are alive and things are this bad, what do you think will happen to your loved ones if you die? If you hurry yourself to the grace you are the one lost out. Help will come from someone or somewhere for and they will live a fulfilled life. No one is worth dying for. If you put in your best and pray to God over the issue, then be patient until God sort things out. Let those you are owing know that you don’t genuinely have the means to pay them for now and that you will pay them when the money comes. You will not go to jail for owing. Only fraud could send you to jail. As for your mother or siblings, you are not the only person they have. You are not God over them. Let them look elsewhere until you are settled. Suppose you drop dead today, would they die also? Won’t they look elsewhere. You have created the impression before them that you are their burden carrier. Don’t hate your hubby over this issue because he has his own challenges. There is a point things will get to and he will give you a helping hand. Did you sought his counsel before going into huge borrowing? Perhaps he advised you but you didn’t heed. Go restore the peace in your home and you will see how things will turn out very shortly.

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