Is Marriage (Supposed To Be) Boring?
Recently, on a group chat a wedding announcement was made. The bride to be was a young woman of 23 who is fresh out of school. The usual rounds of congratulations were said and someone playfully said that Funmi* is next in line. Funmi* is a 22 year old who is also fresh out of school.
” No!,” Funmi responded “I still want to enjoy my life before i marry.”
This got me thinking? Is marriage a death (or boredom) sentence? I hear it all the time people saying they want to ‘have fun’ before they marry. Bachelor parties are often referred to as the ‘last night of fun before your life ends’. Huh? Is marriage supposed to be boring? I personally know guys and some girls who have decided to put off marriage till when they are 30- 35. Is the institution such a drag that we are putting it off for as long as we can?
Also recently, on a relationship page on Instagram, i read a post where a man complained that he was officially in love with his mistress. Why? ‘She brings out the life in me.’ He said. ‘When we hang out we see movies, talk about music, go clubbing, have fun.” He went on to talk about how she has a wild personality and compared his wife’s personality to that of a cardboard box. He went on to say that she was more like his mother than his wife.
Thinking about it, there is some truth in what he said. Too often it happens that we get so settled in domestic life that we stop being adventurous. Thinking about it, what makes dating so interesting is the excitement to it- late night calls and texts, surprise gifts, fun dates. Spontaneity. Surprise. Married life can seem sometimes like the opposite of that- Friday night action movie-going, mall-hoping and clubbing are replaced by endless work and the rigors of domestic life. Gisting into the night about movies and music and drama is replaced with school runs and talk about household requirements. The ripped jeans wearing, smart-mouthed wild child with a wanderlust is replaced with a quiet, uninterested mother-figure who wears mom jeans and wrappers like its no man’s business and hasn’t gone out to the mall for herself in years much less on a pleasure trip. She’s now a ‘responsible wife and mother’ who has no time for ‘indecent dressing’ or ‘parading herself about’. If she goes to the movies, its only because she taking the kids to see the new Despicable me movie and if she goes on holiday at all, all her time will be spent on the kids, barely any time for herself. Gone are the days of 1 AM drives for the sake of it or skinny dipping in hotel pools for fun. In a scenario like that, marriage has indeed become boring.
Marriage isn’t supposed to be a necessary evil or a soul-sucking bore. There’s no reason to allow a lifetime arrangement slip into limbo. Whenever you feel the spark fading, put some life back into it. Have a weekly date night and hire a sitter if you have to. Create some time (even if its once a week) for just yourselves. Let you spouse be your best friend. Talk about celebrity gossip, the latest film, the new musician you’re obsessed with. Don’t talk only about the kids or work or what they will eat tomorrow. Talk about ‘unserious’ and ‘silly’ things. Try a new hairstyle. Wear fashionable clothes. Being a wife and a mother isn’t an excuse to lose your personality.
Marriage isn’t supposed to be boring but the most loving, beautiful and crazy adventure of them all.