Hook Ups Are Not For Me
I would like to explain how I have come to the conclusion that hook ups (aka matchmaking is not for me). This article is a first in a series which would detail the several hook up experiences or near experiences I have undergone in the past. A few of which were pleasant and I have ended up staying friends with the guys and others which were downright bad. Recently, I was catching up with a single friend of mine and we started talking about men, relationships and how hard it was to find a good man. Jokingly I had mentioned going on a blind date and was very shocked by my friend’s alarming reaction to the blind date comment (I can’t even belief she actually fell for it). ‘Bisola, don’t even think about it, only desperate people go on blind dates, hook ups are much safer and better’ she said with much seriousness in her tone. Judging by her reaction, I immediately reassured her, that I was only joking and had no intention going on a blind date. Although which we moved on to another conversation, I couldn’t help but think about what the difference was between hook ups and blind dates and why hook ups were looked upon as been better than blind dates.
Later on as I lay in bed at night, my mind wandered to the many dates by hook ups I had been on in the past. These were dates with strangers I was introduced to by friends/family and acquaintances without prior meeting. One very disastrous and yet very memorable hook up was with a guy who worked at a friend’s office. She had told him a lot about her friend ‘Bisola’ and I guess he wanted to meet the ‘famous person’ behind the name. I remember when she first told me about this guy, I blatantly said no because at that point I was tired of hook ups. She eventually wore me down and so I agreed to meet the guy and ‘give it a go’. I thought ‘I am single and he is single, what’s the harm? What could possibly go wrong’? I wish I had listened to the small nagging voice inside my head telling me it was a mistake
On the day in question, we were to meet at the restaurant for 7pm (I always make it a rule never to let people I have never met or people I have just met come to my house). However we had a new case in our firm which needed to be tended to immediately, it was marked, ‘urgent, to be treated as soon as possible’. I knew that would mean staying late at work so I called my date and calmly explained the situation of things to him. I have never seen an adult throw a tantrum before, to say he was upset would have been an understatement, he basically barked into the phone at me (first red flag). I tried during his many childish fit to get some words in but when that proved impossible, I hung up the phone as I needed to get back to work.
About two hours later, this guy called me back and he sounded so calm and relaxed on the phone. He apologized for his earlier behaviour stating that he was under a lot of pressure at work and didn’t mean to take it out on me. He promised to make it up to me on our date (second red flag). Dumbfounded and lost for words, I simply accepted his apology but stated that I had to get back to work. He must have thought everything was forgiven and forgotten because he asked if he could call me later on. At this point I just wanted to get off the phone so I mumbled a weak ‘okay’ and quickly hung up the phone.
Later on just as I was about to sleep, I heard my phone ring and his number and name flashed across my phone (After the last time we spoke, I had saved his name as bi-polar Ade). I switched the phone to vibrate mode and placed it under the duvet not wanting to be bothered by him. I had made up my mind not to go on a date with him and intended to keep it that way.
The next day my friend called me in the morning which is very unusual for her (she wasn’t really a morning person and didn’t like talking on the phone in the mornings except absolutely necessary or work related). I knew why she was calling but decided to play along. There was a pause after the normal small talks before she asked me why I wasn’t picking up the Ade’s calls. I explained what happened to her and she told me, he was a bit specific and liked everything in a certain way but other than that he was a good guy. After much persuasion from her I decided to give him another chance.
The day for the date finally came and went out of my way to ensure that I got there on time because I didn’t want to portray a bad image. On entering into the restaurant, my eyes instantly fell on a nice looking guy who also had a fantastic dress sense (like he just stepped out of a GQ magazine). We got acquainted with each other and the night went with no hitch. We got on so well that a second date was fixed at the end and the initial tension was long forgotten. I decided to let it go after all no one was perfect and maybe it was a one off.
If only I knew that I was dealing with a guy who seemed to have a split personality disorder (Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde character) who could switch from hot to cold in a minute. The day of the second date finally came and I was optimistic to see where it was going to lead as he seemed to tick all my boxes. Unfortunately, I was running behind schedule and got to the restaurant 30 minutes late, although I had called as soon as I realised I was going to be late). Once I got there, I could tell by his deposition that he was a bit irritated and he was a much different person than I had encountered on the first date. I decided to ask what the problem was because I could tell there was something bothering him. It was then he started talking on how he was very time conscious and liked when everything was done according to time (third red flag).
What is that saying, ‘three strikes and you are out’, there were to be no more chances given, I knew this was never going to be a relationship as it was doomed from the start. I sat through the date and when he tried to fix a third date, I made up an excuse of being busy the next weekend.
As soon as I got into my car, I put his contact on my block list and when my friend called the next morning, I told her in no uncertain terms that I was not interested in dating her difficult colleague.
By Abisola Owokoniran