Hidden Wisdom In The Deepest Scar
I have lived for almost a quarter a century and one thing I have learnt is that nobody knows how they are going to turn out and the fact that no one knows everything making it the most fantastic thing about life! The more I go the more polished and the more refined I become, a little more savvy and clear headed. As I was busy shopping for some groceries, a well dressed lady seemingly in her late 40s walked up to me with a smile grinning from ear to ear. It was “her”! Before I could hide myself, she walked up to me and said “Hello, my name is Mrs. Tunde, how are you? Your dress is very stunning where did you get it from?”Guilt was written all over my face and the nerves in my body were transmitting mixed signals all through that my brain could not interpret at a speed that could have saved me from that situation. Those few minutes felt like eternity! I murmured trying to remember words in an attempt to answer her question,”Oh! Th—ank you, I got it from Lagos, a Nigerian designer called Tope of FNR,”I said. I don’t know how it all happened but we had exchanged numbers and we now going to talk about dresses and shoes, as if we were long time friends! I had personally given the wife of my supposed ex-lover though current heart break my number! My oh my! As if that was not enough she was kind towards me. From the impeccable words of James Baldwin“Not everything that is faced can be changed but nothing can be changed unless it is faced!”
“Didn’t she know who I was and that her husband and I were sleeping together? Why was she kind to me? Did her 6th sense fail her as a woman in being proactive with detective work of her man?”I was left speechless with various monologues that left me emotionally imbalanced. Having a Criminal Justice background, my most interesting class was Corrections and Punishments which was an essential part of the justice system in combating crime and ensuring law and order prevailed according to the constitution. I wondered what sort of punishment she had for her cheating husband and I! This made me restless because my career could be destroyed in a snap if she decided to humiliate and embarrass me; nonetheless it was what it was. I had already ended my relationship with my beloved married man and as they said curiosity killed the cat, I couldn’t help but call her out to lunch just to inquire if she knew about me and what her game plan was. I am a good reader of body language, and I was sure that during that lunch meeting I would have gathered information that would be key in my defense strategy. I hate surprises, especially been caught off- guard.
The next day, a silver Porsche pulled through the drive way and out came a magnificent lady who sparkled with pearls and diamonds. After pleasantries and a few minutes of small talk she hit the nail on the head! “Why did you call me here?”she asked. “Umm- uh I know you know who I am, why haven’t you ever confronted me and why did you take him back?”I asked. Cunningly smiling she brushed her Brazilian Hair from her forehead and said ,”I knew exactly who you were the moment I met you, the thing is I can never give you or any other woman the luxury of seeing me mad or broken. Never girl! My position as a wife can’t be threatened especially after 25 years of marriage and 4 beautiful children.Yes,we have been married long before you were born and will remain married till death do us part. I don’t have the energy of fighting every woman he is involved with, I am no longer a young bride.
I learnt from my mother that men are fascinated by three things that every woman who wants to keep their home should know. First and foremost, no matter what age your man is, there is that little boy that wants to come and play every once in a while. Whether he is a secular or spiritual leader, a young man or an elderly man, a wealthy man or a poor man that boy lives in him. When he wants to come out, let him play don’t nag him or interfere he will eventually go back into his own cocoon and be the husband you married. Once the little boy hides himself and you are still there for the man, you will receive the highest level of respect, honor and adoration. Secondly there is a king that wants to reign! Every man you see out there wants to be validated as the Greatest Of All Times,(GOAT) hello black mamba Kobe Bryant? I know my husband will never receive the treatment he gets at home anywhere else other than with me in his house, which gives me, confidence that he will always come back no matter what! For a good 25 years I have ensured he understood that he is the King in our home, and that I respected him. I prostrate for my husband each and every morning I wake up to say good morning. Why would I be worried about any woman specifically from the millennial generation taking him from me? The modern day woman has forgotten our African roots! I mean how do you even address your man? Have you ever served him food on your knees? I highly doubt, but I know you will come up with a whole lecture of feminism and being the 21st century woman. You cannot use one concept in its extreme and forget others; the entire universe is intertwined with a little bit of something making the perfect combination.
Calling a spade a spade, your vagina might be tighter than mine, but it is not all the time a man needs sex.Sometimes he needs someone who believes in him, a mother and comforter after he has faced the tribulations of life. He wants someone with whom he can share with his darkest fears for in as much as they keep a brave face, men get a lot of hurt out there, betrayal and also loss ;he needs someone who can be there to ensure everything is OK ;a cheer leader! Who else other than me? I have been there from the time he had nothing to the time he now has much more than we even need. So I am peaceful knowing my husband will always come back home. Lastly my daughter, sometimes a man is a little fool. It still baffles me at some of the decisions my man undertakes in life and he needs to be made to think straight lest he losses all he has accomplished. The way I correct my husband and also cover up his shortcomings is something no one can do for him. I will never speak ill of my husband to anyone unless it is his mentor and only and only if it has gotten to the worst case scenario. I don’t want people laughing at my King whatsoever that will make him lose focus! Ridiculously as it may seem, I will always forgive his short comings and build my home. That is the more reason as to why I am his woman and he is my man. Moreover he is the father of my children, where will he be going to leaving his children? Even in my Igbo culture, I will never involve my Kinsmen when there is smoke in my house…she said, smiled and walked away.
Reflecting on all she said I couldn’t help but remember these words, “You know you have found the hidden wisdom in your deepest scar when you view it as your greatest gift!”Anonymous.
By Daisy Wanzala