Dating In 2017 : A Modern Woman’s Perspective
What happened to that girl who would cry herself to sleep? The one who wore a mask of self confidence, plastered with a lot of make up; to cover up the scars in her life? The one who sought validation from her spouse in order to feel her existence in the universe? The one who saw other women as beautiful but couldn’t see herself as such? The abused, broken, and shattered? Where is she? In a generation where life gets busier and technology takes up personal interaction, who is teaching girls how to be women and boys how to be men? Honestly no one! No one ever taught me how to be a woman, let alone, how to be a powerful woman. I was taught and groomed for my career which is going on so well but when it comes to my interaction with the male species; something else. Back in the days, girls would seat by the fire place and listen to their grandmothers and aunties stories on how they should interact with boys, more specifically how they should treat their husbands.
My mother got married at the age of 20, and this year I turned 25 yet still single. The plan all along was to be married in my early 20s and start raising a family but as nature would have it, my plan didn’t work out. At 25, the pressure is that I have joined the club of the millennial woman who gets married between the ages of 30-35 or not getting married is also a considerable option. Something that quite frankly, scares the hell out of me! With that being said as my favorite poem by Invictus goes, I am the master of my fate…I have made a conscience decision to have what I want and rig the process. As I said, no one has ever given me that talk so I owe myself to learn all I can and have the knowledge on what exactly is needed, come on friends my clock is ticking…At this point, I no longer have the luxury of enjoying casual sex or friends with benefits, it’s the search for a man and not just any man, a man I desire a man I want to spend the rest of my days with, simply put my definition of the Alpha male.
Did you know love is a game of survival for the fittest? Well it is, and I am excited to share this with you, since now I am your aunty or grandmother who should have had that talk with you.
As a woman I have found out that I have immense power to make all the men bow-down and follow my lead but cunningly, wisely and of course with knowledge. This is the power of being a woman! Take for instance Delilah, she used her power and drove the strongest man to his weakest point, and getting what she wanted! Needless to say Ruth also identified the man she wanted to get married to after she had lost her husband, and made him fall for her. This is a game my friends and well, I am now an amateur player in it! Point being, as a woman you are the commander in chief of the male species.
Knowing all this I wondered what all these women had that was different from me? So I kept researching and practicing what I thought best fits me, and voila! There it was; the essence of being a rare breed in a population full of the same species. I know you think you know about this but honey you are wrong. Your kind of rare breed is focused on HIM; whereas my kind of rare breed is focused on-ME, get the difference? Don’t you worry I told you I would be your aunty, you will learn with me in this process. I had to be different from every other woman they encountered, not a basic chic but hello a queen!
In order to do that, the number one rule is to invest in yourself heavily. This way you are complete in your own rights and having a man by your side is an added advantage. Men are hunters, they like what seems to be out of their range so that when they brag to their boys, well he is labeled the King of the jungle. As a woman I needed to know what makes me happy without placing my happiness on anyone’s mercy. I love writing, well how about I become the best writer Daisy has ever been; I love dancing and taking on new travel adventures and funny enough I prefer having my breakfast before brushing my teeth, that means morning kisses had to withstand my breathe. I figured out who I was and what I love, something I had never been able to; because candidly speaking I was a people pleaser. You need to be all you can be dear reader; the rest is an added advantage! Trust me that guy will put more respect to your name if your life is not dependent on his. It might scare him but he will make it his mission to keep you because he knows your value. That means that yes you have a man’s love but even though love packs up and leaves you will be ok, for that is not your life, and believe me when I say when a man leaves, your life will eventually get back on track.
After finding me, oh thank God! I realized I am the Jack Sparrow of my Black Pearl .Depending on which direction I set to sail, the ship had to go. I stopped saying yes to every Tom Dick and Harry, and I took my time to access everyone that approached me. That is the time to enjoy being a woman. Go out to as many dates as you can, meet the candidates and start short listing them one by one until you find your King. Gone are the days when I used to say yes to anyone who asked to be in a relationship with me, but wait a minute, did they ask? How embarrassed it is to now know that I have claimed to be in a relationship with four guys and none even asked to be my boyfriend? For the mere fact that they took me out for dinner, coffee, or the club we somehow both assumed we were in a relationship, and I think I fell in that trap of being comfortable and well having regular sex, which excluded me from the term hoe.I mean how is it my business if people label me a hoe? Right now I don’t worry about what you worry about me.
Well, I am not saying go out and dish the cookie just like that, because he paid for your meal at English Point Marina. I am saying go on a mission to find out if that is the guy you want, and train him on how to treat you. You are not seeking his approval, so be selfish in everything you do and what you want. This is not about him it is you, though babe let him believe he is in charge. Vet your candidate and if he doesn’t fit your qualifications, you can either block or delete or have use him for practice, in either flirting or learning more about men as you still go out with the others who you are still short listing…To be continued